If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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