i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
