I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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