We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize