Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
