Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
