Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
