i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
