I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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