My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
