awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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