We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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