I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
