OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
