Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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