girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
