Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
