I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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