DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
