I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
