Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
