So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
