Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
