Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
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I need you to use more vowels.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
