I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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