you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
