I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Randomize
