5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
