white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
