Apparently you make a good broom.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
