last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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