lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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