ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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