Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
