I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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