3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I need to calm my uterus...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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