I just threw up on my dentist
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
