Tell her she can't have a vagina
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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