Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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