So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
