I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
