So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
