i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
