Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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