someone owes me an orgasm
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
