You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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