His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
