Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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