And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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