His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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