Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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