i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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