i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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