Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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