I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
