i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
