Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize