im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
