OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
