Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just invented taco cereal.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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