Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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