Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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