soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
