i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
