i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
