then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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