So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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