I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
