see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
